Question by Lojo: Have you ever been a foster parent?
Can you tell me about your experiences? Pros and cons, etc.
Best answer:
Answer by Julie C
I’ve never been one but I have 2 friends that have a foster child now and the other just adopted her foster daughter. The pros are they have them in a loving home and the kids don’t want or need for anything. You do get money every month to take care of the child but not enough to cover all the expenses so it’s not something to do just for the money. The cons are that the state can be a little rediculous at times and hard to deal with. You also have to take classes regularly to keep fostering a child.
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Yes…we served as foster parents for two girls….one 8yrs old and one 13.
Both girls had been sexually, mentally and emotionally abused.
The eight year old…taught my two sons…everything they didn’t need to know at their tender young ages…she also made sexual advances toward my husband on numerous occasions….she was removed and placed with a couple with no children….
The thirteen year old was a loving child…she had no trouble fitting in the family and she would still be with us…if she had not run away with a boyfriend…who later talked her into breaking into our home and robbing us….she knew where everything valuable was…and they got it…
Both experiences were heart wrenching….and we did not have the desire to try again…
I know these children need help….so if you are considering this, I would suggest doing the following…
1. Make sure you read the child’s file…ask questions…know all about the child’s history…esp. medical.
2. Think long and hard about bringing a troubled child to live with your natural children….
3. Ask yourself if you are willing to spend more than average time with these children…some need to see therapists, doctors, lawyers, case workers…etc.
4. Children of drug users have problems…they don’t sleep, they are hyper…often challenged mentally…the list goes on.
I don’t mean to discourage you….but this is not something to half way comitt to….These children have been rejected many times…you don’t want to do it to them again.
i’ve never been an official foster parent but my husband and i took in his neice for 4 months while her dad was in jail. her mom was in jail for most of her life she’s 3 and her mom went to jail at 9 months and never came for her when she got out. it was very difficult. we new her dad didn’t care for her much and it really showed. she couldn’t answer basic question like do you want juice. she cried a lot. she suffered from anxiety becuase they always yelled at her over there. every time she was in trouble she’d scratch her arms until they bled sometimes. she would never sleep. she’d sit in bed for 2 hours and then sneak out and play with toys or try to get out of the house. she only wanted to eat chips and soda. she couldn’t communicate very well…… i think you have to be a strong person to handle a foster child. also when her dad got out we had no choice but to give her back. cps had investigated plenty of times and they never do anything. he just stops answering the door so they drop the case. he eventually gave her to her grandma which is just a step up from him and we haven’t seen her since its been almost 7 months. i htink you have to prepare yourself to give the child back. some parents have vistiations and they don ttake care of the child during that time but you have to give them to them. my aunt used to have foster kids and she said sometimes she’d send them with their parents for the weekend and they’d come back filthy in th same clothes and diaper/ underwear they left in. also they dont tell you everything. she said one kid would smear poop on her walls. they didn’t tell her that before hand. so i say just think it through. it caused a lot of strain on my husband and i because we couldn’t really discipline her outside of time out.
Get a toddler to avoid the BS
Never been a foster parent, but, unless you really want an older child, I would get a younger child, toddler, or baby.
It is going to change your life, that is for sure….usually for the better. Be sure you affiliate with a reputable provider agency who can help you navigate the system. Most states now provide “supported foster care” and each foster family has a professional assigned to them who looks out for their best interests and helps them to maintain the child.
Children tell me that without their foster parents, they would be hopeless. One 14 year old recently wrote: “Foster care is like a long road trip. There are a lot of turns and twists but one day you arrive at the right place (home) and you are loved forever.”